Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
