I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
