he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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