i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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