just come out here and I will go home with you...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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