last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
