I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
