she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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