I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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