I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
