New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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