If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
where are you?
Hypothermia
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
