Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
