Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
