I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
