My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
