I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize