my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
