I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
