So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you never un-have a 4some
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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