Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
