So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
