Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
