Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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