new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
