Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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