So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm getting married
To pizza
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
