He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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