i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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