She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
