so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize