She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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