I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
