woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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