his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
