My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
