need another drink. this is the easiest way
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
