pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Michael Bay diarrhea
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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