just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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