They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
