So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
