the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
