i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
