i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
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Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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