You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize