Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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