I heard we made out
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize