In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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