oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
