I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We left an ass print on the piano.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
