the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
