Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
