I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
