I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
