winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
