If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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