His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
