Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
