Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
