I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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