Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've blown a few things in my day
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
