and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
