I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
