I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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