Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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