so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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