I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize