oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
