it was like his penis was on wheels.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize